If you were going to be honest with yourself and your sexual partner, how often would you admit to letting your mind wander during sex or foreplay? It’s not even a question of “if your mind has wandered” since studies reveal that almost everyone does it while they are doing it. Not that it is a frequent habit or temptation, but when you allow your mind to wander, you are “spectatoring” ruining the potential for maximum pleasure from the experience.
Becoming a Spectator
Even if you are totally into your partner, you can easily remove yourself from mentally engaging with the moment if you aren’t careful. You become a more passive participant, much like a spectator at a sporting event. Sure, it is fun and you are there, but it isn’t like you are actually in the game. According to psychologists, there are two commons forms of spectatoring. This first deals with worrying about your looks, while the second evaluates your performance or worrying about doing it right. Whenever you get lost in these thoughts, it can take longer to orgasm, if you are able to achieve satisfaction at all. The only way to bring yourself back to the experience is through mindfulness.
Turning Off Your Brain
No one is asking you to become a zombie or automatic robot that goes through the motions of sex. This could be problematic, in that you wouldn’t be sexual equals and there is an increased risk of abuse within that form of relationship. Turning off your brain is about putting aside the noise or distractions that are taking you away from being in the moment. This practice is called mindfulness, and it is used to help many people overcome a variety of psychological concerns. The most common uses are to decrease depression, increase happiness, reduce anxiety, and overcome negativity. However, when implemented during intercourse, research has shown that it can lead to better sex. It doesn’t take a lot of training, but it does take a lot of practice. Being fully aware of your need to just feel the experience and not think your way through it is a difficult adjustment, especially if you consider yourself a Type A personality. This is especially true in sexual situations, as the goal is feelings of pleasure, intimacy, and satisfaction.
Female Struggles in Mindfulness
When it comes to areas of women's sexual health, there is a range of physical and psychological factors that impact the ability to orgasm and feel pleasure. Women are often pulled in many different directions, leaving the mind clouded with several things to do and the need to multitask. The feelings of responsibility that a woman may have toward her career, her domestic priorities, her social life, or anything other than herself can keep you from enjoying sex for the purpose of pleasure and relaxation. Through it is important to handle your responsibilities, your first priority is to yourself. Sex can be a useful tool in combatting stress, developing security in your relationship, and promoting feelings of self-confidence. You can get all of this from your sexual experiences when you tune out the other noise and let your body and mind be in the same place and focused on the same sensations.
Improving the Experience
During arousal, the female body begins to release hormones that prepare the sex organs for intercourse. When you are half-aroused and half-distracted, sex can become painful and awkward. Your body isn’t free to do what it needs to prepare for sex. If you struggle with this area, there are many resources that you can bring into the bedroom. Scream Cream is a lubricant that increases the blood flow to the genitals, which increases the sensitivity of the body to stimulation. This can lead to enhanced feelings of pleasure and a more fulfilling orgasm. If you have often found yourself spectatoring because of the time it takes you to feel satisfied or a lack of excitement that you feel in the experience, this product could help get your physical needs going. However, you will still need to engage in mindfulness to truly appreciate the whole experience.
Practice Makes Pleasurable
You won’t be able to head to bed and have the trick down. Mindfulness takes practice, and it is something you can work on all day long. When you are brushing your teeth, let yourself feel the experience from the bristles on your teeth or gums to the temperature of the water. Remember, the key is feeling the moment rather than thinking yourself through it. If you can nail being mindful during the most routine habit of all, you are well on your way to developing a solid habit that can help you in the bedroom.
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