Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and regardless of whether you'll be celebrating this day of love with a partner, it's still probably high time you took a refresher course on the female orgasm. No matter if you're a sexual expert or novice in the bedroom, you've probably experienced an orgasm mishap. You're not alone. In fact, research reveals that only 18 percent of women reach an orgasm during intercourse. That means 82 percent have to explore other ways to experience the "Big O." So in these days leading up to February 14, let's go back to basics and figure out how to get the orgasm you deserve.
1. Understanding The Different Types of Orgasms
Contrary to the belief of most males—penis-vagina intercourse (PVI) is not a sure-fire way to achieve an orgasm. And it makes sense why they'd think that. According to studies conducted since the 1970s, men orgasm 95 percent of the time during PVI, while women only orgasm 50 percent of the time. This is primarily because there are some many different types of orgasms for women. The four most common include:
- Clitoral Orgasm. Your clitoris is a deceptively large organ located at the tip of the vulva. The visible area is fairly small and consists of several nerve endings. Some women are able to orgasm just from clitoral stimulation from their fingers or vibrator.
- Vaginal Orgasm. For this type of orgasm, the elusive G-spot comes into play. If you haven't yet discovered your G-spot, take some time to explore your body on your own. Once inside your vagina, make a "come hither" motion towards your belly button. You should eventually be able to locate a rougher point of pleasure. When this area is stimulated regularly with pressure, it can lead to orgasm (or even female ejaculation).
- Blended Orgasm. For a larger and more intense orgasm, trying stimulating two erogenous zones at once. For instance, combining G-spot penetration with vibrations or stokes to the clitoris could result in increased blood flow and an explosive orgasm.
- Skin Orgasm. This orgasm is achieved through stimulation of erogenous zones like your nipples, ears or neck. To discover your personal erogenous zones, grab a light object (like a feather) and run it along your body, taking notes on where you feel the most pleasure. Some women are able to orgasm exclusively from skin stimulation.
2. Bring in Some Props
There are several helpful "tools of the trade" that can help you and your partner achieve orgasm. Most importantly for a newbie—lubricant. Lubricants reduce friction caused when two body parts begin rubbing together. It also adds moisture in the vagina to help induce arousal and invites a new level of intimacy for both partners. Similarly, you can try an orgasm hightening gel like Scream Cream. These gels or balms increase blood flow to erogenous zones for increased sexual pleasure. Finally, don't be afraid to grab some toys. Vibrators and dildos can be very helpful during solo masturbation and can enhance current sexual encounters.
3. Know Your Body
At the end of the day, you will only be able to achieve an orgasm if you know yourself and your body. Research has shown time and time again that self-esteem is linked to sexual satisfaction. Additionally, if you're consistently having issues orgasming in the bedroom, spend some time coming to terms with anatomy and women's sexual health. For example:
- Grab a hand mirror and examine your vagina
- Determine your personal feelings, beliefs and values regarding sex
- Understand birth control, consent and STDs
- Figure out if your childhood or religion shaped the way you think about sex
Take the time to figure out what you like. Sex therapists recommend starting this journey by simply touching your body all over for 30 minutes, concentrating on how you feel throughout the exercise. This should be repeated 5-15 times. Psychology Today recommends repetition in order to desensitize the action of touching yourself. Normalizing this simple action can reduce stress and lead to quicker orgasms.
Once the touch exercise has become stress-reducing, it's time to practice masturbation for pleasure. Learn what feels good and what you enjoy. Determine where and when you feel relaxed. Recognize what arouses you. Usually, women orgasm for the first time without their partners since they can feel less self-conscious and anxious when they're on their own. When you truly learn your body's desires, you will feel more comfortable communicating them to your partner.
Every woman is different, just as every orgasm is different. There is no tried-and-true method that results in "The Big O" 100 percent of the time. To achieve an orgasm, it's imperative for you to determine your likes and dislikes. There is no right and wrong method for this—it's all about you. And remember, at the end of the day—good sex doesn't have to end with an orgasm.
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