Many people want to blame their lack of sexual interest as simply “going through a dry spell.” Though this a real term and commonly acknowledged condition, it shouldn’t be accepted as just the way things are. Abstaining from sex or intimacy may be an indicator that there is an underlying physical or emotional condition impacting women's sexual health, and for the benefit of you and your significant other, it should be addressed. For whatever length of time you’ve been caught up in a dry spell, here are some candid ways to break out of it.
Stop Acting Like It’s an Accident
Using the term “dry spell” makes it sound like your lack of sexual interest just happened overnight. In addition to this misguided approach, many individuals start to feel sorry for themselves and make the situation worse. By repeating to yourself and others that you are struggling with a dry spell, more than likely your experiences will just worsen. Using this term creates a mindset that is driven by desperation or anxiety. Throwing yourself out there to try to get back on your feet will only set you back farther. Understand that your sex life will have ups and downs. Pushing through the “downs” keeps you from the dry spells.
Take Responsibility for Your Sex Life
It can be tempting to blame your lack of sexual interest or a lack of intimacy in a relationship on your significant other, but the reality is that you control your sex life. You may be thinking, “well, it takes two to tango,” but perhaps a reintroduction to self-pleasure will change your mind. Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy when it comes to enjoying sex, having a desire for it, and making yourself desirable. So what if your partner doesn’t have the moves like Jagger? You can still choose to be fully engaged and in the moment by taking care of yourself. Maybe you’ve never spoken about what you like or need. Maybe you’ve never tried Scream Cream or another resource to heighten your sensations and create a more satisfying orgasm. These choices are on you. Take responsibility for your sex life, and don’t fall victim to a mindset that can be addressed.
Change Your Encounters
For couples that have been together a long time, it is easy for sex to become routine and static. This can create a lack of interest for her party, which some may equate to a dry spell. Sex that isn’t passionate or intimate or arousing isn’t desirable. To get your heart racing and the butterflies in your stomach going, consider changing up your sexual environment. Skip the bedroom and get funky in the kitchen. Hop in the shower together for some steamy foreplay. Add candles or music, and bring in sex toys or a vibrator. Being willing to experiment with different positions or locations (being adventurous in your sex life) can help restore the desire and anticipation for sex.
Keep Your Attitude in Check
Your mental health has a lot to do with your sexual health. If you are stressed and anxious, suffering from depression, or struggling with self-confidence, you will find yourself lacking when it comes to getting laid. You won’t have an interest, but your significant other probably won’t either. You may need to focus on your mental or psychological health, such as relieving stress or working in your self-esteem, before you have the sex life you want. If you aren’t confident in your appearance or even performance, being open and honest with your partner is better than just avoiding intimacy. You can see a therapist if you want to seek help for deep emotional challenges, and if necessary, you and your partner could meet with a sex therapist together. Your perspective, whether about sex or life in general, can wreak havoc with desire and the ability to connect with a partner. Evaluate your attitude or mental presence and see what adjustments need to be made.
Revisit Your Sexual Expectations
For those that spend a lot of time watching pornography, reading romance novels, or binge-watching romantic dramas, there is a tendency to craft unrealistic expectations about sex. The sex life or interactions between you are your significant other is unique to you, and shouldn’t be based on what others are doing (whether in film or real life). It is perfectly fine and even encouraged to have fantasies and role-play, but stop the comparisons between what you are getting and what you have seen on television. There is always room for improvement and increased pleasure in a sexual relationship, but don’t set yourself up for failure and being let down by creating expectations that can’t be met.
It’s normal for you to have good days and bad days in your sex life. When you recognize what needs to be done and you proactively work on it, you can avoid hitting the slump commonly labeled a dry spell.
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