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Getting What You Ask For

Getting What You Ask For
Dr. Constance Odom, MD Picture of Dr. Constance Odom, MD

Medically reviewed by

Written by our editorial team.

Last Edited 6 min read

The concern with women's sexual health often stops at making sure your yearly gynecological appointment is scheduled. In no way should this be overlooked, but don’t let your interest in something so important stop with something so routine and basic. Your sexual satisfaction, or the needs and wants that you have for your sex life and experience of pleasure, is just as important to your overall sexual health as making sure you haven’t contracted an STI or looking for reproductive issues. No matter what you age, whether your sexual journey is just starting or you have been going at it for decades and need some excitement, getting what you want in bed isn’t as difficult as it might seem. After all, sexual pleasure for both partners would seem to be an obvious desire out of intercourse, and yet sadly, women are often left unfulfilled from the encounter.

Restoring Passion and Pleasure

Couples first starting out in their sexual relationship often seem to be enjoying themselves more than those who have been the same old thing for the past twenty years. The early days are often characterized by spontaneity, romance, experimentation, and passion. You may have noticed the shift in experience and your sexual relationship as time elapsed. Not that your sex life isn’t good, but wouldn’t it be great if it was better? The research shows that couples who actively participate in sexual communication, proactively set the mood, explore sexual variety, give and receive oral sex, achieve orgasm, and have frequent intercourse enjoy more fulfilled and intimate relationships with their partner. If this hasn’t been your experience, there is hope. If you are looking for intimacy in your relationship or you want better sex, the key to a healthy relationship that can deliver both of these things having all needs met, for both parties. While you could add a fantastic, pleasure-enhancing product like Scream Cream to make your sex life more exciting, wouldn’t it be more stimulating and mind-blowing to have a fantastic relationship outside the bedroom to give you the complete relationship package?

Three Important Skills

You might be great at meeting the needs of your partner, but are you getting your personal needs met? It is not selfish to want more from your sexual encounter, especially if you aren’t receiving satisfaction or pleasure from the experience. In order to towards this end, you need to develop the skills that can help you get your needs met. You will nee emotion regulation, mutuality, and insight. With insight, you have the ability to know the needs of both you and your partner, giving you clarity on how to see what path or action to choose. With mutuality, you are able to assertively direct activities to meet your needs while still responding to your partner’s needs and working to address them as well. You might want more from your sex life, but you can’t leave out what your partner wants. Mutual relationships with the end goal of increased intimacy and pleasure will take into account what both partners need. Using emotion regulation, you can verbalize your feelings, expressing things that are difficult or hard to share without fear, anger, frustration, or embarrassment. When you are able to control how you frame and present your needs, it can help dissolve tension that could arise from being on separate pages.

The Most Important Need

You could have a number of sexual or relationship needs, but the most important for many women is desire. This is a link to sexual satisfaction, and ultimately, intimacy. Using your skillset of insight, mutuality, and emotion regulation, assess whether or not your desire need is being met. Do you feel comfortable with intimacy and what a deep sexual encounter can do for your relationship? Do you feel desirable in your relationship? These questions are important because of the expressions of confidence and sexual freedom that are needed to try new sex positions, wear sexy lingerie, use a sex toy, shower together, or experiment with fantasies. Knowing your boundaries, no matter how narrow or wide, helps develop your desire for sex and narrows down your needs and wants. Once you have this narrowed down, you use your emotion regulation skills to communicate these needs and desires to your partner. You may have to face fears, brave embarrassment, or minimize current frustration, but there won’t be any changes in your sex life until you ask for them.


At the end of the day, when it is time to hop into bed, a satisfying sexual relationship that is healthy and passionate will have both partners wanting to have sex with the other. They will both be in tune with the other's needs and focused on meeting them and pleasing one another. Open dialogue will occur, continuing to embrace new and exciting ways to give each other what they both want and need.


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This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your physician about the risks and benefits of any treatment. Nu Image Medical may not offer the medications or services mentioned in this article.